


better than nothing

by chimerical_kid



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Modern AU, Pining, Songfic, Unrequited Love, first thing i've ever liked ever, god help beauregard, leetle angst, subtle little references (really just one) to other songs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 10:55:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17980004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chimerical_kid/pseuds/chimerical_kid
Summary: A single night turned into weeks, turned into months. Beauregard has never had real feelings for anyone and it kind of sucks.Based from the song 'Midnight' by 5SOS





	better than nothing

**Author's Note:**

> So, I finally wrote something I like. Did I proofread? Absolutely not. I wrote this in like an hour and a half because I was cleaning my room and midnight came on and my brain screamed BEAUYASHA at me. Nice.

    A single night turned into weeks, turned into months. That first night, Beau hadn’t been anticipating to go home with someone. She was really just there to be Jester’s wingwoman and talk her up to this cute guy who Jester definitely was not stalking. The bar was dark and Beau had already downed a drink and a half when a woman with the largest biceps she had ever seen sidled up beside her and ordered a drink. Beau couldn’t keep her eyes off of this woman who towered over her. The other woman hadn’t even noticed until her extremely ostentatious friend (whom Beau did not like already) smiled and pointed over the woman’s shoulder, directly at Beau. Beau, flustered, quickly diverted her gaze and downed the rest of Jester’s fruity, and certainly not alcoholic, drink. Her aforementioned friend was nowhere to be found. Now, Beau was only slightly panicking.

     The skyscraper of a woman shifted to say ‘hello’ to Beau. In an embarrassing croak, Beau greeted her back. Beau still couldn’t get a good look at this mysterious adonis due to the low lighting the bar seemed to love. Still, they carried a small conversation, learning the tree lady’s name to be Yasha. _Yasha_. Beau put her name on repeat in her brain, turning it over and over like a record she never wanted to end. The rest of the night was a bit awkward and a bit charming. Sometimes, their conversations fell short and Beau thought Yasha would leave and that would be it. Story over. However, they found new ways to spark up some sort of conversation. The last thing Beau remembers them talking about before they left together was what kind of dog was the ugliest (Beau said English bull terrier; Yasha said Mexican hairless).

    The nights after that were similar in style, only cutting out all of the meet-cute part. Late night texts became the highlight of Beau’s week. It was a nice getaway from Jester’s constant talk about her new, hah, beau. Beau loved every second she spent with Yasha.  Their romance, if it could even be called that, was sporadic and passionate and everything that Beau loved.

     Until she wanted more. It scared Beau to think that she could ever want anything more than a few flings with a woman. Despite herself, she strived to know more about Yasha. Beau picked up on little things here and there, mostly in post-sex sleepy chatter, but, she wanted more than just sex a few nights a week. She wanted deeper conversations about their childhoods and who they loved in the past. Hell, even just walking down the street she pictured herself with Yasha, holding her fucking hand. She just wanted to see Yasha at two in the afternoon rather than the middle of the night. Never in her life has Beau felt like this. It was horrifying.

     [1:02 AM] Yasha: Are you up?

     [1:04 AM] Beau: i am now

     [1:04 AM] Yasha: Sorry. Do you want to come over?

     [1:05 AM] Beau: i don’t know

     Beau rubbed at her eyes. Sure, she did want to go over to Yasha’s. Her place was nice and Yasha was incredible. But with all these conflicting feelings coursing through Beau’s veins, Beau didn’t know if she could take another night with Yasha without saying or doing something to fuck it up. Beau tried imagining a little switch in her brain to turn off her emotions. It didn’t work, to her disappointment. Groaning loudly, Beau flopped back onto her pillow. She glanced towards her phone again.

     [1:08 AM] Beau: omw

     Beau shoved the blankets aside and rolled out of bed, her feet thumping against the floor. Jester had gotten used to Beau leaving in the middle of the night, so Beau didn’t bother watching herself when she moved around. Even if Jester did wake up, Fjord’s arms were there to keep her pinned in place. Beau haphazardly threw on some decent clothes. They were just going to come off anyways. The walk to Yasha’s place wasn’t far and it was still warm out so Beau didn’t bother for a jacket. As she let the door click shut behind her, Beau felt a twinge of regret in her gut.

 

     So, maybe going to Yasha’s place was a bad idea. By the time Beau had reached her door, she was fully dreading what might happen next. A light knock was all it took and Yasha pulled open the paint chipped door in a matter of seconds. Yasha faintly smiled before allowing Beau to enter. As soon as the door was shut, Beau had her back against it and a frantic Yasha pressing against her front. They fell into an easy rhythm that was familiar to them. Yasha led Beau over to her couch like the did most of these nights. Beau’s back hit the armrest and it brought her back to reality.

     “Wait.” Oh no, what was she doing?

     Yasha frowned but complied, “Are you alright?”

     “Yes. I mean,” Beau sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, undoing the tied knot, “No. I’m not alright. I hope that’s okay.”

     Yasha’s frown deepened and she sat down, prompting Beau to do the same. Hesitantly, Beau put a little distance between the two of them. She didn’t know how they were. Would touching her in a non-sexual way be wrong right now? Beau didn’t risk it. Distance was good.

     “I-- I just. Wow, this is harder than I thought. Okay so, I know we’ve been doing this for a while, and it’s great, but-- I don’t know,” Beau glanced up into Yasha’s eyes, searching for words, answers, but just found confusion clouding. “I guess what I’m trying to say is: I love what we have going on but I, I just think I want… more. And if you’re not into that, I can just shut up and we can fuck or whatever but… I like you, I guess. In a more-than-sex kind of way. I wanna know more about you and stuff. Have real conversations instead of just sex. This is kind of all crazy for me to say out loud finally because I’ve never, ever, felt like this about someone. I’m always down for no strings attached. But now, I guess what I’m saying is, I want the strings.”

     Beau caught a breath finally and held it there while silence consumed the two of them. Yasha shifted but kept her gaze on Beau. The quiet was painful.

     “Beau, I like you too. I just,” Yasha was the one who searched for answers now. Beau slowly released her breath in a painful exhale. Yasha stayed quiet for just a moment and took Beau’s hand into her own, diverting her gaze to their hands. Beau was afraid that Yasha wouldn’t say anything more and she would leave with a heavy heart. With a firm squeeze, “I don’t think I’m ready. Not yet.”

     Beau nodded slowly. She didn’t let the heartbreak show on her face -- if Yasha could even see her in this dark room. “Okay. So, do you just want to forget everything and go back to our thing?”

     Yasha laughed and pulled Beau into a kiss that was slower than usual. There was a message there that Beau felt like she could _taste_ . It was silent and Beau could feel Yasha’s small smile against her lips. Beau’s record player of a mind was flipping their conversation, Yasha’s voice filling her brain. _Not yet._ Not yet. What the hell did that mean? Beau couldn’t process it correctly, so she pulled the needle off the track and focused on Yasha’s lips. Her arms, her hands. Yasha filled her thoughts one way or another.

     It wasn’t until Beau woke up that morning, wrapped up in Yasha’s arms as she could only imagine how Jester was in Fjord’s arms, that she understood what Yasha was saying last night.

 

Give me time.


End file.
